ABUSE? A Blanket Term?
An annoying trend in today's modern era, seems to be this! Everywhere you turn excuses are being made for bad behavior, rebellion, and weakness of character. Instead of good behavior and exhibiting upright character, individuals want approval and sympathy. The term "I was abused" is used frequently as a catch all term to excuse evil actions and bad behavior! Yes! There is an honest case for the usage of abuse or abused! But, these terms do not apply in every case!
tr.v., a·bused, a·bus·ing, a·bus·es.
To use wrongly or improperly; misuse: abuse alcohol; abuse a privilege.
To hurt or injure by maltreatment; ill-use.
To force sexual activity on; rape or molest.
To assail with contemptuous, coarse, or insulting words; revile.
Obsolete. To deceive or trick.
n. (a buse)
*Improper use or handling; misuse: abuse of authority; drug abuse.
Physical maltreatment: spousal abuse.
An unjust or wrongful practice: a government that commits abuses against its citizens.
Insulting or coarse language: verbal abuse.
[Middle English abusen, from Old French abuser, from abus, improper use, from Latin abūsus, past participle of abūtī, to misuse : ab-, away; to use.]
SYNONYMS abuse, misuse, mistreat, ill-treat, maltreat. These verbs mean to treat wrongfully or harmfully. Abuse applies to injurious or improper treatment: “We abuse land because we regard it as a commodity belonging to us” (Aldo Leopold). Misuse stresses incorrect or unknowledgeable handling: “How often misused words generate misleading thoughts” (Herbert Spencer). Mistreat, ill-treat, and maltreat all share the sense of inflicting injury, often intentionally: “I had seen many more patients die from being mistreated for consumption than from consumption itself” (Earl of Lytton). The army had orders not to ill-treat the prisoners. “When we misuse [a language other than our native language], we are in fact trying to reduce its element of foreignness. We let ourselves maltreat it as though it naturally belonged to us” (Manchester Guardian Weekly).
The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition Copyright 2003
Therefore seeing we have this ministry, even as we obtained mercy, we faint not: but we have renounced the hidden things of shame, not walking in craftiness, not handling the word of Yahweh deceitfully; but by the manifestation of the truth commending ourselves to every man’s conscience in the sight of Yahweh.
ABUSE Bible Study - International Standard Bible Encyclopedia - ABUSE Definition
And there came to him Pharisees, trying him, and saying, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? And he answered and said, Have you not read, that he who made them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh? So that they are no more two, but one flesh. What therefore Yahweh has joined together, let not man put asunder. They say unto him, Why then did Moses command to give a bill of divorcement, and to put her away? He says to them, Moses for your hardness of heart suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it has not been so. And I say to you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except for fornication, and shall marry another, commits adultery: and he that marries her when she is put away commits adultery. The disciples say to him, If the case of the man is so with his wife, it is not expedient to marry. Matthew 19:3-10
And there came unto him Pharisees, and
asked him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife? trying him.
And he answered and said to them, What did Moses command you?
And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away.
But Yahshua said to them, For your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment.
But from the beginning of the creation, Male and female made he them.
For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife;
and the two shall become one flesh: so that they are no more two, but one flesh.
What therefore Yahweh has joined together, let not man put asunder. Mark 10:2-9
From G4203; harlotry (including adultery and incest); figuratively idolatry: - fornication.
From G4204; to act the harlot, that is, (literally) indulge unlawful lust (of either sex), or (figuratively) practice idolatry: - commit (fornication).
Feminine of G4205; a strumpet; figuratively an idolater: - harlot, whore.
Here Yahshua the Messiah gave the only reason for a scriptural divorce! This of course would include an indulgence in pornography.
You have heard
that it was said, you shall not commit adultery:
but I say to you, that every one that looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart. Matthew 5:27-28
Listed below is an article that gives several reasons for divorces today! This list is by no means comprehensive! There are many other reasons given for divorce that extend way beyond what Almighty Yahweh and Yahshua the Messiah ever intended!
Reasons For Divorce; What Constitutes
Viable Reasons For Thinking About Or Wanting A Divorce?
by: Karl Augustine
According to the Center for Disease Control's National Vital Statistics Report of 2002, 50% of first marriages ended in divorce and 60% of remarriages end in divorce. But, the Center for Disease Control also found that 96% of Americans express a personal desire for marriage, and almost three-quarters of Americans believe marriage is a life long commitment. I imagine that there are somewhat similar statistics worldwide.
With these kinds of statistics, its easy to see how complex it can be when people think they want a divorce, they have difficulty identifying how a truly viable divorce reason might be defined. Wanting happiness through marriage and wrestling with what may seem an inevitable outcome (a divorce), can be emotionally and mentally challenging. After all, it is human nature to want to feel nurtured and secure, no matter where you live!
So, if you're thinking about getting a divorce, what are truly viable reasons for actually getting a divorce?
Each government has different laws defining the difference between 'fault' and 'no-fault' divorce reasons that have enough merit that allow for the divorce to be granted. While it makes sense for you to keep this in mind when deciding whether or not to get a divorce because there may be financial considerations to think of, you should first focus on defining your own emotional or "personal" divorce reasons, regardless of what the local governing body says.
If you ask 100 people how they define viable reasons for wanting a divorce, you'll most likely get 100 different answers because they'll answer you from their perspective, not yours. Sure, there may be similarities to the way you feel in some of those answers about 'real' divorce reasons, you may even agree with some. But, the real answers to this question can only come from you. You have to figure out what reason or reasons would be viable in your mind in order to actually go through your decision about getting a divorce or staying married.
Some reasons that people give for getting a divorce, or wanting a divorce, are purely selfish and have no substance. An example of a reason for wanting a divorce that has no substance is not liking the fact that your spouse has constant unfounded jealousy. There is a deeper problem that exists here, and in the case of this example, it could be that the spouse who constantly feels jealousy has a confidence problem or some sort of 'fear of loss'. Whatever the case, the divorce reason in this example clearly isn't viable and should relatively easy to fix.
Often times when people give 'surface' or flimsy reasons for wanting a divorce, they really have much deeper feelings about something and they're just using the shallow divorce reason as an avoidance of some kind. Or, they give these 'foundation-less' reasons for wanting a divorce because they actually aren't aware that there are other deeper rooted reasons that are the cause of the way they feel now.
Common reasons that cause people to think about or want to get a divorce:
Couple has conflicting personal beliefs
Couple’s marital satisfaction decreases
Irretrievable Breakdown of some kind
(Cruel treatment would be abuse of some kind i.e. mental or physical. Emphasis Mine!)
*Approved by Yahweh
Of course, you should add your own reasons to the list for wanting a divorce, better yet, make your own list. Solid divorce reasons for wanting or going through a divorce usually come from some sort of occurrence, behavioral pattern, and/or change in the viewpoint of the marriage itself.
In order to really make a smart decision, you should first list the reasons that you have for wanting a divorce, then examine those divorce reasons for true viability. Then come back to it that list in a day or so. Chances are you will be able to scratch a few of those reasons for wanting a divorce off the list because they were identified purely from an emotional viewpoint rather than logic.
If you are thinking about getting a divorce, and haven't clearly identified what reasons you have for feeling the way you do, you'll be doing yourself a 'dis-service' if you act without carefully examining the viability each designated divorce reason. Everyone has their own reasons for wanting a divorce, make sure that you are certain that your reasons are truthfully viable to you before you act on them.
PS. Truth On The Net Dot Com does not agree with everything contained in Mr. Augustine's article.
He does however present some information to consider.
In days gone by there was a term used called "Mental Cruelty". This term has been displaced by the terms Abuse or Abused! Yahshua did not give either one of these definitions as grounds for divorce!
Yet you say, Wherefore? Because
Yahweh has been witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom
you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion, and the wife of
And did he not make one, although he had the residue of the Spirit? And why one? He sought a righteous seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth.
For I hate putting away, says Yahweh, the Elohim of Israel, and him that covers his garment with violence, says Yahweh of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that you deal not treacherously. Malachi 2:14-16
Now the proponents of the abuse syndrome and terminology usage, will certainly say the above passages and information that follows advocates and depicts ABUSE! You are advocating ABUSE when you say there is only one scriptural grounds for divorce, and that is adultery! This is then taken to another level by the "coined" terminology "Spiritual Abuse." You are Spiritually Abusing the people if you don't allow divorce for every reason!
SPANKING: Another Form of Abuse?
United States Statutes Pertaining to Spanking
Informal. Exceptional of its kind; remarkable.
Swift and vigorous: a spanking pace.
Brisk and fresh: a spanking breeze.
Used as an intensive: a spanking clean shirt.
A number of slaps on the buttocks delivered in rapid succession, as for punishment.
The following statistics show how frequently spanking is used today. Unfortunately, the majority of studies covers only North America. Their results can certainly not be representative for the world. So far, hardly any study was found about how frequently spanking is used in Europe, Africa, South America, Middle East, Asia, or Australia.
Worldwide, eight states do not allow parental spanking (all of them in Europe): Norway, Sweden, Denmark, Austria, Finland, Italy, Latvia and Cyprus. (Reference)
Since studies about spanking at schools are
closely related, some of them are also quoted below. It can probably be
assumed that countries/states with high rates of school spanking will also
have high rates of parental spanking.
Parental spanking in the U.S.A.
School spanking in the U.S.A.
ANTI Spanking Advocate!
About the Book
Who would choose to parent in a manner that increases children’s depression, lowers their self-esteem, and makes them less likely to succeed in life? The answer is anyone who disciplines their children with spanking.
“The child development research clearly shows that using corporal punishment to discipline children leads to poorer developmental outcomes,” says Michael J. Marshall, PhD, psychologist and author of Why Spanking Doesn’t Work: Stopping this Bad Habit and Getting the Upper Hand on Effective Discipline, published by Bonneville Books of Springville, UT.
Dr. Marshall’s new book summarizes the research findings about the harmful effects of corporal punishment to help parents make informed decisions about how to raise their children, rather than default to how their parents raised them. “The harmful psychological effects of spanking is the best kept secret in developmental psychology,” says Marshall. “I am convinced parents would abandon the use of corporal punishment to discipline their children if they fully understood these research findings.” (Emphasis His! Not Ours!)
Marshall, a professor of psychology at West Liberty State College, and psychologist in private practice, drew on his professional knowledge, research, and experience to help him write Why Spanking Doesn’t Work. “I have spent countless hours in psychotherapy sessions trying to help patients break the cycle of family violence fostered by the belief that hitting children is proper,” says Marshall. “Spanking teaches children that violence is the solution to behavior problems.” Just as the Hydra, a mythological Greek serpent, grew two new heads for each one that was cut off, the use of spanking to “slay” children’s misbehavior results in the same trap for parents. Not two, but 13 unwanted behaviors spring up to take the place of the punished behavior. These undesirable side effects include aggression, antisocial behavior, and masochism.
“Spanking makes children’s behavior worse, not better,” says the Wheeling, West Virginia father of four. “Unfortunately, by not realizing this sad fact, parents often respond by spanking more, not less. This results in a vicious cycle of violence as boys grow up learning to impose their will on family members through intimidation and physical punishment.”
This presents the standard opposition to spanking as a discipline. This is in direct opposition to the Creator of the human race! Certainly, Almighty Yahweh knows what is necessary for his human creation! It seems that some think they know more about the needs of the human race than the Creator!
Almighty Yahweh says this!
Pro 13:24 He that spares his rod hates his son; But he that loves him chastens him often.
Pro 23:13Withhold not correction from the child; For if you beat him with the rod, he will not die.
Pro 23:14 You shall beat him with the rod, And shall deliver his soul from Sheol.
Pro 29:15 The rod and reproof give wisdom; But a child left to himself brings shame to his mother
Pro 29:17 Correct thy son, and he will give you rest; Yes, he will give delight to your soul.
For whom Yahweh loves he chastens, And scourges every son whom he receives.
It is for chastening that you endure; Yahweh deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom his father chastens not?
But if you are without chastening, whereof all have been made partakers, then are you bastards, and not sons.
Furthermore, we had the fathers of our flesh to chasten us, and we gave them reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live?
For they indeed for a few days chastened us as seemed good to them; but he for our profit, that we may be partakers of his holiness.
All chastening seems for the present to be not joyous but grievous; yet afterward it yields peaceable fruit unto them that have been exercised thereby, even the fruit of righteousness. Hebrews 12:6-11
Spanking when necessary will not harm the child if done properly! However, anti spanking advocates dictate that spanking is a form of child ABUSE! Is it really?
The removal of corporal punishment as a deterrent only increases the rebellion and defiance of a child! If a child knows they will be punished for bad conduct or misbehavior the likelihood of disobedience decreases! Just like a someone who would think about committing murder! If they know they will be executed for murder, the likelihood diminishes exponentially for them to commit this heinous act!
The following (some say) connotes Spiritual Abuse!
I must tell you this! I cannot find the term Spiritual Abuse anywhere in the Bible! (Hawke)
Telling women to obey their husbands, dressing appropriately, keeping Yahweh's commandments, or keeping silence in religious assemblies, is just more than some people can bear! Or, so it seems!
Let the women keep silence in the assemblies: for it is not permitted for them to speak; but let them be in subjection, as also says the law.
And if they would learn anything, let them ask their own husbands at home: for it is shameful for a woman to speak in the assembly. 1 Corinthians 14:34-35
In like manner, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefastness and sobriety; not with braided hair, and gold or pearls or costly raiment; but (which becomes women professing holiness) through good works. Let a woman learn in quietness with all subjection. But I permit not a woman to teach, nor to have dominion over a man, but to be in quietness. For Adam was first formed, then Eve; and Adam was not beguiled, but the woman being beguiled hath fallen into transgression:
but she shall be saved through her child-bearing, if they continue in faith and love and sanctification with sobriety. 1 Timothy 2:9-15
Eph 5:22 Wives, be in subjection to your own husbands, as to the Master.
Col 3:18 Wives, be in subjection to your husbands, as is fitting in the Yahweh.
In like manner, you wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, even if any obey not the word, they may without the word be gained by the behavior of their wives; beholding your chaste behavior coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be the outward adorning of braiding the hair, and of wearing jewels of gold, or of putting on apparel; but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in the incorruptible apparel of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of Yahweh of great price. For after this manner aforetime the holy women also, who hoped in Yahweh, adorned themselves, being in subjection to their own husbands:
as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him master: whose children you now are, if you do well, and are not put in fear by any terror. 1 Peter 3:1-6
Here is the patience of the saints, they that keep the commandments of Yahweh, and the faith of Yahshua. Revelation 14:12
Types of Abuse As Defined by the World!
Restraining you in any way
Stopping you from leaving
Holding or hugging you when it is unwanted
Pointing a finger at you or poking you
Choking, kicking, punching, slapping you
Any unwanted physical contact
Physically abusing children
Threatening to harm your reputation
Putting you down
Getting back at you by refusing to have sex
Treating you as a sex object
Forcing you to look at pornography
Lack of intimacy
Being too rough
Forcing certain positions
Hounding you for sex
Forcing you to have sex (rape)
Sexually abusing children
Putting you down or ignoring you in public
Not letting you see your friends
Not being nice to your friends
Making a scene
Change of personality when you are with others
Not taking responsibility for your children
Embarrassing you in front of your children
Using the children as a weapon
Choosing friends or family over you
Intimidating you, making you fearful
Playing "Mind games"
Not telling you what they are doing
Ignoring you, silent treatment
Yelling, raising their voice
Being sarcastic or critical
Degrading you or your family
Laughing in your face
Inappropriately expressing jealousy
Falsely accusing you
Walking away from you in discussion
Refusing to do things with you or for you (e.g. sex)
Consistently getting their own way
Accusing you of sleeping around
Treating you as a child
Finding and verbalizing your faults
Commenting negatively about your physical appearance
Comparing you unfavorably with other men or women
Having a double standard for you
Telling man or women-hating jokes
Withholding, diverting, embezzling, or controlling funds
Degrading one's beliefs
Withholding means to practice your beliefs
Forcing adherence to a particular belief system
Strict, literal adherence to the law or to a particular code, as of religion or morality.
A legal word, expression, or rule.
When individuals are told, there is a certain pattern of behavior taught and expected by Father Yahweh, some obey the directives and some refuse to be in compliance at all! Some make a half-hearted attempt! Some say we are under grace and thereby the restrictions are removed! He knows your heart! They really believe they are good people overall, and they have no need of Yahweh's discipline as outlined in His word! They refuse to keep the dietary laws! They refuse to keep the Sabbath! They refuse the Torah, because they think it belongs to another time, and it is only for "The Jews!" Nothing could be farther from the truth than this way of thinking!
We at Truth On The Net Dot Com do not in any way advocate violence to our families or our fellow man in any way shape or form! We follow the scriptural pattern in all things and this includes proper relationships with everyone. Husbands are placed By Father Yahweh to be the head of the household. This does not allow the husband, father to be overbearing and tyrannical though! Wives must be in subjection according to biblical directives! Children must obey their parents according to law. Even Yahshua the Messiah obeyed his parents while on earth! Observe the following good example!
And his parents went every year to Jerusalem at the feast of the Passover. And when he was twelve years old, they went up after the custom of the feast; and when they had fulfilled the days, as they were returning, the boy Yahshua tarried behind in Jerusalem: and his parents knew it not; but supposing him to be in the company, they went a day’s journey; and they sought for him among their kinsfolk and acquaintance: and when they found him not, they returned to Jerusalem, looking for him. And it came to pass, after three days they found him in the temple, sitting in the middle of the teachers, both hearing them, and asking them questions: and all that heard him were amazed at his understanding and his answers. And when they saw him, they were astonished; and his mother said unto him, Son, why have you dealt with us this way? behold, your father and I sought you sorrowing. And he said to them, How is it that you sought me? do you not know that I must be about my Father’s business? And they understood not the saying which he spoke to them. And he went down with them, and came to Nazareth; and he was subject to them: and his mother kept all these sayings in her heart. Yahshua advanced in wisdom and stature, and in favor with Yahweh and men. Luke 2:41-51.
I'll have more to say on this subject!
Yours in Messiah, Hawke
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